frazzled-imp's Diaryland Diary
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Big News.
As predicted, I am a total gimp today.
Aislinn was kind enough to allow me to laze the entire morning away in bed, but most of it was spent in that state of half-sleep, where no real sleep is being accomplished. But, hell, I�ll take what I can get.
ZzzzzZZZzzzZZzzzzzZZZzzzz.
I said I had big news, didn�t I?
I did! I did!
We�re moving!
Some of you are aware of the situation that I�ve been in for the past few years, but most of you are not. While I love my father, and appreciate everything he�s done for Aislinn and me, we are stagnating here. Going stir crazy. Cabin fever City.
And while I�ve wanted desperately to make changes, for a long time now, there just aren�t very many opportunities here. I realize this, my father realizes this. Everyone pretty much realizes this. There really is nothing for us here.
I�ve had various offers, over the years, from people trying to get me back in New Orleans. But, the truth of the matter is, I don�t want to go back there. I love the city, and I love the friends and family I have there, but I no longer consider it my home. When Aislinn was born my priorities in life took a drastic change, for the better, and I know that if I were to move back to New Orleans it would be at the risk of putting all the hard work and soul searching I�ve done over the past four and a half years to ruin. Even more to the point, it�s not the place where I want to raise my daughter.
I know it�s been difficult for some of my friends and family to understand that, and I can only hope they realize that it�s not a personal attack on them. No, it has nothing to do with the people that I love and miss. It has to do with the decisions I�ve made, and the priorities I have set for Aislinn and myself.
Anyway.
The past few years have been difficult for me, emotionally. While my life has drastically improved from what it was before I came up here, there have been a lot of things that are missing. And while I�ve discovered that I�m really good at making myself buck up, and put the best foot forward, I�ve been feeling progressively more helpless as time has gone by. My self-esteem has been slowly eroding with the knowledge that, right now, I am completely unable to provide for my child. My father, bless him, takes care of all of her expenses. And, while he is very understanding, and has repeatedly assured me that he does not mind doing this in the slightest (oh, how he loves that little girl), it bothers me. It kills me.
And with the idea of school looming ahead of us, only one year away, I�ve gone into an even larger panic. Since Aislinn was born, I�ve been desperately trying to figure out a safe way to get her out of Louisiana before it�s time for her to start school. The schools here are abysmal, and while I�ve toyed with the idea of home-schooling, I honestly do not feel that is an ideal situation, for either of us. She�s already been so isolated. She needs the company of other children her age.
So, yes, things were beginning to pile up on me. I felt like I was getting to the end of my rope. I was feeling trapped and depressed.
And then, the other night, something happened, and all of a sudden things have been turned upside down, shaken up, and set into motion.
You see, I have this friend. Her name is Franci, and she lives in Kansas. She�s a wonderful person who I met four years ago, while pregnant with Aislinn. She also happened to be pregnant with her first child at that time, and we bonded. She has become, without a doubt, one of the closest friends I have ever had. There are not enough words to express what a fantastic person I think she is. And on top of her being fantastic, she also has a fantastic family. A splendorific husband, and (by now) two absolutely adorable sons.
And what have these fantabulous, splendorific people gone and done?
They�ve invited my daughter and me into their home. Not just for a visit, as we�ve already done last summer, but to live with them, until I�m able to get my feet on the ground, and strike out on my own again. They�ve got a lovely finished basement, complete with bathroom, and spare bedroom for Aislinn, and they�ve gone and offered it to us for our own use.
I can tell you right now that I didn�t have to think about it very long before jumping out of my seat and shouting YES! at the top of my lungs.
I realize this may sound strange to those of you that don�t know me, or her, very well. But, it really isn�t as strange as it seems. They�re good people, and I want to cry every time I think about the generosity they�re showing in giving us this chance.
I�m going to be able to work again. To provide for my child the way I should be doing. I�m going to be able to make a life for myself, and for Aislinn. Get myself out of debt, and eventually get us into an apartment of our own. And the best thing of all, that area has some of the best public schools in the country.
It feels like a gigantic weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
Surprising to me, though perhaps it shouldn�t have been, has been the overwhelming support we�ve all been receiving about this decision. Not only have both of my parents been 100% supportive upon hearing of this latest development, both Franci and her husbands parents are in agreement as well. In fact, I have a feeling Franci�s mother would come down here and kidnap us tomorrow, if it were at all feasible.
Even Raf, who I know was not expecting anything like this, has been cool about this rather abrupt shift of perspective, and is being incredibly receptive of the whole thing. Thank you, baby. Thank you so much.
I almost can�t believe this is really happening. I want to pinch myself. I�m so excited, I don�t know what to do with myself.
So, yes, I�ll be moving.
It won�t happen for a while, as all of us have things we need to do, loose ends to tie up, but as of right now, we�re looking at starting Operation Get Amie and Aislinn the Fuck Out of Dodge for mid to late September.
Wow.
Four and a half to five months away.
I can�t believe it.
7:49 PM - May 02, 2003
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